i cannot stop crying.
i jus cannot stop crying once i tink abt not even winning OM nationals on Sat...
i dun wanna a frigging silver or a effing bronze, i rather get nothing than those two.
can u believe it, im already crying jus thinking abt not winning it (touch wood, cross fingers) and i cannot stop crying.
i dunno why is it like dat this year la, las few years i dun even care whether we're goanna win or not, the winning is jus like a bonus.
this year, winning is EVERYTHING. i don't care how much hard work the rjc team has put in (this is selfish but i really dun care), they're jus goanna let me win the frigging thing cus i cannot lose. i jus dun wanna lose. even if u kill me i oso wun believe they haf put in more effort than me or haf props, structure or skit better than ours.
i dun frigging care if the others wan the gold trophy or not. i dun even wanna care abt my two test i haf tmr. not even 2.4. i jus wanna enjoy myself performing on sat, make sure the structure dun crush so early or better still dun crush at all and hear our names get called for the 1st position during the prize presentation. i wanna run along the path to the front onto the stage, shake hands with the one giving the prize, get the gold trophy in my hands, hold it high up while hearing the cheers from the pple supporting us. i missed that, i really miss it really badly. i miss it so badly i wan sat to come faster so i can experience it again.
i can't even imagine wad will happen if sth bad happen on that day (touch wood) i seriously can't. the other members probably can get it over with like in seconds or hours but i tink i wun be able to even if you gif me one week. yeah and i'll probably lock myself in my room for the rest of nex week and emo to myself. cry till my eyes drop out or the whole room flood. its not being a bad loser or wad, it is jus not worth it at all after putting in so much.
i swear i gaf in so much i deserve more than the gold trophy this is probably the las year im probably goanna do om i dun wan to end it with a fullstop but a exclamation mark like wad kaiyun said. and its totally not worth it for her either. she puts in so much i swear, it nearly cost her life.
it is not to sympathise with us or wad, its not even plain wanting to win the other team such as not to lose face, but rather its giving us wad we really deserved.
oh damn i dun even noe whether to look forward to or not to to Sat. i tink i'll freak out. both b4 the competition and the revealing of results.
im sorry pple, my mood swings this few days are goanna be crazy. pls bear with me, cus me myself dun even noe wad im going through.
maybe till after sat then i'll regain bac my sanity.
Labels: 3 days more
